Beyond Coping: Building Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life
- Holly McIlwain
- Apr 23
- 3 min read
In a world that often glorifies the hustle and the idea of "having it all," many of us find ourselves feeling overwhelmed and unfulfilled. We chase after societal standards of success, only to realize that what we truly need is clarity and balance. Let’s pause for a moment and examine how essential it is to get into the practice of defining boundaries that can help us thrive in the narrow spaces of work and life.
Understanding Boundaries
If you’ve ever thought that setting boundaries is mean or unfair, it’s time to toss that notion out with the trash. Humans thrive in safe environments. According to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, after physical safety, psychological safety is essential for well-being. To truly flourish, you must be brave enough to define your boundaries and maintain clarity.
What do you need to feel safe, healthy, whole, happy, and productive?
What are the time sucks in your life?
Who are the energy vampires draining your vitality?
What have I been tolerating that doesn’t feel aligned any longer?
The Illusion of Coping
Coping is often mistaken for a solution, but it merely means getting through something. It leads to tolerating discomfort rather than thriving. The consequences of merely coping can result in bitterness, resentment, and burnout. If you find yourself just surviving, it’s time to stop and evaluate what is uncomfortable or unsustainable in your life. Name it!
Acknowledge your feelings, check your values, and construct boundaries. For example, “I will not access my phone from 4:30-8 PM on weeknights.” Why? To be fully present with my family. Remember, work will still be there, and urgent matters can be communicated through a quick text or call. I frequently remind professionals that they might be replaceable at work, they are totally irreplaceable at home.
Communicating Your Boundaries
Let’s get down to business here. Once you establish boundaries, it’s crucial to uphold them. I want to encourage you to examine your personal opinions about boundaries. What challenges you about creating and holding boundaries? How do you ensure your boundaries are respected? Communication is key.
Commit to articulate your expectations clearly:
“From 4:30-8 PM, I will fully engage with my family and will not look at emails or messages until after 8 PM.”
“I will schedule only one evening meeting each week during this time.”
Relationships, both personal and professional, also require boundaries. I always say, “Friends can talk business, but always bring paper.” Consider what kinds of boundaries you need to maintain healthy interactions.
The Importance of Prioritization
When everything feels important, nothing is a priority. Reflecting on my experiences, I realized this truth deeply during a personal loss in February 2024. Life can throw unexpected challenges our way, and it’s essential to plan and commit to what truly matters.
Write down your priorities, put them in your calendar, and consider hiring a coach or consultant for accountability. Make it hurt enough so that the discomfort produces results.
Controlling What You Can
You can’t control everything in life. Focus on what you can control, and let go of the rest. This approach not only reduces stress but allows you to thrive amidst uncertainty.
Friends, defining boundaries is not just about saying no; it’s about creating space for what truly matters. As you navigate the narrow spaces of work and life, remember that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being. Embrace your journey, and allow yourself to thrive.
Here is your Call to Action
I invite you to reflect on your own boundaries. What will you commit to this week that helps you create a more balanced life? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments!
Be brave enough to lead in those narrow spaces.
If you don’t do it, who will?
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